When I Want to Say I Love You, I Say
by KWriter in Training
Summary: Just 3 words. I should say it, I'll lose my mind if I don't. But I shouldn't, I don't know what you'd say if I did. (Valentine's Day Oneshot. Inspired by Boop from RWBY.)


I couldn't pinpoint how it happened. Maybe it was from our constant companionship, maybe it was because of our weekly sleepovers or maybe it's just because you're my favorite person in the world. I couldn't even remember when it happened, we've been by each other's side practically since I could remember my first word and you've been in most of my earliest memories.

But I do remember when I first noticed it.

We were fighting over some stupid egg and I still had my head over Wendy, I insulted your hat which I knew was going too far. When you looked at me and asked me if I thought your hat looked stupid, the look in your eyes made me regret ever saying those hurtful words so I answered honestly.

"As a matter of fact... I think it is the nicest hat I've ever known."

"Thanks, dude." You looked to me and smiled.

Your face just had this beautiful glow after I said that, something I never saw from the 5 to 6 years I've known you. Just the fact that I was able to make you smile like that put me on cloud nine. From that point I began noticing small things that just never failed to put a smile on me that I had to hide, the ways yours eye express your every emotion, your elusive soft curly hair that I just want to stuff my face into. Your very presence is a beacon to me, if it wasn't for you I'd be halfway dead by now.

In a town as stupid and fucked up as ours, we've always counted on each other to keep ourselves sane. You were my partner in crime, my super best friend and my brother. We've been each other's families, but even after noticing it I never thought of you as anything more.

Then, there was the point I realized the truth myself. We were 12 and Wendy had just dumped me again. You, Kenny and I were at Stark's pond after school, skipping stones and just talking about who-knows-what before I brought it up.

"Guys, Wendy broke up with me again."

"That sucks, dude." You said as you patted me on the back comfortingly.

"I don't even know what I did wrong."

"Maybe she's fucking fat-ass again." Kenny piped in, chuckling a little at his own remark.

"Well it doesn't matter anyways, you guys keep hooking up every next week." You remarked, looking a little annoyed. "I don't know, I really think you shouldn't keep waiting for her."

I groaned as I laid down on the small patch of grass that was free from snow. "I doubt we're getting back together though, she sounded pretty serious and all she said that I needed to know what matters to me."

"Well Stan, what is it that matters to you?" You asked me.

I stayed quiet for a moment, it caught me off guard. I thought about it for a while before answering. "… I don't know."

The three of us sat in silence for a while before you got up and cleared the snow and grass off your pants.

"Well, I've gotta get home." You turn to me with sympathetic eyes. "Sorry about Wendy, see ya dude."

Kenny and I waved you goodbye before I resumed my position on that grassy patch. "Man, it sucks about Wendy."

"But hey, at least you're not going Goth this time." He remarked. If he wasn't serious about it, I might have laughed at it.

"I'm just wondering what she meant by 'what matters to me'? I loved her, she was what mattered to me before she broke with me."

"What made her matter to you?" Kenny asked me, but it wasn't like when you asked me this. He looked like he was looking for a specific answer.

I took a moment to arrange my thoughts before answering him. "She's one of the most amazing person I've ever known. She's smart and strong, she won't take shit from anyone. She'd fight for what she believes is right, I just wish that we could relate a lot more and that she wasn't so difficult and uptight."

After I finished, Kenny just looked at me in shock and contemplation, I was about to ask him what was wrong before he answered it for me, "You literally just described Kyle."

That was when everything came out into the light. After that every emotion I felt for you just doubled and it made keeping everything in check when you're around me so much harder. My mind became a never-ending battlefield. One part of me wants me to hold you in my arms, to confess everything I've been feeling and levitating myself from the squeezing pain I've had from keeping all that in; the other part is keeping the first part of me tied up, pulling it away from any chance it had to break free and tightening the chains around it, coincidentally crushing my soul.

You had wrapped me around your slim fingers and you didn't even know the power you had over me.

There were so many times the lovesick part of me almost succeeded. The closest it happened was 7 months after my realization, it was after a football match. I got seriously tackled and I had to be taken out of the game, you came rushing from the bleachers and you never left my side. It made taking the pain of a dislocated shoulder and a few bruised ribs a lot easier.

Under the influence of the morphine they gave me, my drizzled mind loosened its chain and the words slipped out before I could even think about them.

"I'm glad you're here, Kyle." I said to you with glossed eyes and a huge goofy grin.

"Of course, Stan." You said in shock, probably surprised that I would ever doubt you. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you've got better things to do than watch over a drugged up retard like me."

"Stan, I wouldn't leave you. Even if I did have something important to do, I'd drop it just to come here and make sure you're OK." You said it so earnestly that it made my heart swell and that squeezing pain I felt had increased tenfold.

"You're amazing, Kyle. There's no one who'll care about me more than you." My mouth said, spilling my every thought out regardless of whether I wanted you to hear them or not.

"That's so fucking gay, dude."

As my mind was about to say those elusive 3 words I swore to never say in front of you, the nurse came in and asked you to left. You fought with the nurse to stay, much to my allusive delight and my sane mind's horror. I didn't trust myself to keep myself in check while I was in this state. The doctor came and reassured you that I just needed to stay the night, you smiled and finally willing to comply.

My conscious mind rejoiced, begging you to flee away from me and to prevent myself from completely making an ass in front of you and ruining everything I had with you. But my body had other plans in mind, my hand grabbed onto your arm, keeping you anchored to my side. I screamed in my mind, willing myself to let you go and you looked confusingly at me.

"I love you."

At this point, I had given up. I was sure that my body was determined to destroy everything I worked so hard to protect. Just when I was about to cry over our broken friendship. You just smiled and patted my hair.

"Dude…" You gently pulled my hand away from your arm. "You're completely out of it, I'll see you in the morning, Stan."

You waved and left the room, leaving me completely in shock. I was so conflicted, relieved that nothing had happened, the status quo had not changed. You were still my super best friend and we were as solid as ever. But at the same time I was so angry that nothing had happened, I had just confessed my heart to you and you dismissed it as a drunken slur. I didn't get an answer to my confession and my heart now aching more than ever. I reeled in the pain as I cried myself to sleep that night.

Just I suspected, nothing much had changed. We still hung out every second we had together and I still snuck a few longing glaze toward you. I accepted that this was my fate, I might never be able to profess how much I love you but I would be able to stand by you as brothers in arms. I thought that was our destiny before you asked me about it on my 14th birthday.

We were laying in my old tree-house, looking at the stars in blissful silence before you turned to me.

"Stan, do you believe in destiny?"

"What?" I peered over to you, now turning your head back and looking wistfully at the twinkling stars

"Just… answer the question." You said in such a serious tone, it kinda made me concerned as to what was making you feel this way.

I took a gulp before I arranging my thoughts, "I guess it depends what you mean by that."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, "Well for me, destiny isn't some future written in stone that you can't change. Destiny is more like an end goal, something you know you want and something you'd fight for."

Your eyes opened again as you waited patiently for my answer. I couldn't help but stare at them, the nightly glow of the moon giving the exposed parts of your skin a heavenly glow and your jade green iris reflecting every little sparkle from the stars above us.

"OK… yeah I guess I can see that. Sure." I lied at the end. If destiny was everything you said it was, then you'd be my destiny.

"Stan, if I knew what my destiny was, do you think I should go for it?" You looked at me again with that serious tone in your voice. "Even if it changes everything? Even if no one else would stand by it?" I heard your voice tremble a little at the end, it crushed my heart to see you so unsure.

"Kyle, I'll stand by you no matter what." I reassured you with every ounce of confidence I had, because it was the truth. You could tear me apart without even knowing it and I'd still fight for you with whatever I had left.

It was then you captured my lips with yours. You caught me completely off guard as you pressed your soft lips onto mine, my mind finally came to terms with what was happening and I responded with gentle, loving movements, matching yours into an almost beautiful dance.

There was no tongue, no mind-blowing fireworks; it felt more like the hugs we shared, a warm embrace that just melted my heart. It felt like a dream and I prayed to every celestial being for once that it was not the case and I wouldn't wake up alone in my bed with the same crushing pain in my heart.

We just stayed like that until oxygen became a serious issue and you pulled away, putting an end to that sweet innocent kiss. I opened my eyes that had fluttered shut from your spontaneous act, and I saw you lying next to me, your arms wrapped around my neck, your face inches away from mine and your pale face glowing with a gorgeous rosy red blush. I reached my hand to your face and stroked your cheek with my thumb. I had to say something, something to let me know that this was real.

"Dude…" I sighed dazedly.

You simpered in response, leaning into my touch and stealing a small kiss off of my lips. "I love you too."

* * *

A/N: Happy Valentine's day, Loves. Hope you're spending some time with your favorite people to be around, be it romantically or platonically.

I came up with this story while listening to a song I've been obsessing over called 'Boop', it just fits these two so well. Just like with my other one-shot, I recommend listening to it while reading.

This is more of an exercise in perspectives and the cheesy pretentious romantic part of me wanting a chance to write something.

Here's something fun to do. Read the story again but replace dude with I love you. That's kinda how I wrote this story and it made me giggle so much XD

So yeah, when Kyle says dude to Stan, that's what he really means, even from the first time. C:

Link to the song: watch?v=xTSyHD47TAo

Hope this will bring out your inner cheese. XD

Take care, Loves.


End file.
